When we think of the word “compliment,” it’s usually associated with a physical attribute like “you look so beautiful in that dress!”, “you look fit, have you been working out?

Of course it’s nice to hear compliments but there’s so much more to us than our appearance, and it’s something we can easily teach our children at an early age by simply praising other things about them. 

In a world where appearances often take center stage, the way we speak to our children holds immense power. While it’s natural to admire their physical attributes, focusing solely on looks can have lasting effects on their self-esteem and body image.

The Pitfalls of Surface-Level Praise

As beautifully expressed in “It’s You I Like” by Fred Rogers, “It’s you I like, it’s not the things you wear, it’s not the way you do your hair. But it’s you I like, the way you are right now.” These words capture the essence of celebrating children for who they are, beyond external appearances.

Research underscores the importance of moving beyond appearance-based praise, especially for young girls who face societal pressures to conform to narrow beauty standards. From a young age, girls are bombarded with messages dictating how they should look, dress, and behave to be deemed worthy or attractive. By only complimenting their looks, we inadvertently reinforce the harmful notion that their value lies solely in their appearance, rather than their inherent worth as individuals.

Shifting the Focus: The Importance of Holistic Praise

Encouragingly, we have the power to reshape the narrative and positively influence our children’s self-perception. By offering praise that extends beyond looks, we can help cultivate a more balanced and resilient sense of self.

Rather than solely commenting on appearance, celebrate your child’s character traits, skills, and efforts. Whether it’s acknowledging their kindness, intelligence, creativity, or perseverance, highlighting these qualities reinforces the message that their worth extends far beyond physical appearance.

Empowering Our Children for Life

As parents and caregivers, our words lay the foundation for our children’s self-concept and outlook on life. By consciously choosing our language, we can empower them to embrace their unique qualities and strengths, fostering a healthy sense of self-worth that transcends superficial standards.

Let’s commit to celebrating the whole child – their passions, achievements, and the essence of who they are. Together, we can nurture a generation of confident individuals who navigate life with resilience, empathy, and an unwavering belief in their inherent worth.

Remember, the most beautiful qualities are those that reside within. Let’s empower our children to shine from the inside out.

Conclusion: Let’s Choose Words That Elevate

In a world that often values appearance above all else, our words have the power to shape a different narrative. By moving beyond surface-level praise and celebrating the depth of our children’s character, we can instill in them a sense of self-worth that transcends physical appearance.

Together, let’s choose words that uplift, inspire, and empower our children to embrace their true selves – inside and out. As Fred Rogers beautifully expressed, “It’s you I like,” and that sentiment rings true for every child, cherished for who they are beyond the surface.

Here are some examples of compliments that focus on children’s qualities, skills, and efforts rather than their appearance:

1. “You showed great determination in completing that puzzle!”
2. “I’m impressed by how kind you were to your friend.”
3. “Your creativity really shines through in your artwork.”
4. “You’re a great listener; I appreciate how you pay attention when others are speaking.”
5. “The way you problem-solve is really clever!”
6. “Your hard work on that project really paid off. I’m proud of you!”
7. “I admire your courage in trying new things.”
8. “Your sense of humor always brightens my day.”
9. “You have a knack for asking insightful questions.”
10. “You’re such a good friend; I’ve noticed how you always include others.”

These compliments not only recognize children’s efforts and qualities but also reinforce positive behaviors and character traits, helping to build their self-esteem and confidence.